I Feel Insecure When i look at other successful women – Toolz

Beat FM OAP, Tolulope ”Toolz” Oniru, has shared her most candid thoughts spurred by the recent rejection of the ‘Gender Inequality Bill’ by the senate.

In a lengthy piece she shared on Instagram, she wrote:

I joke around often and try not to get too into my feelings on IG, because it’s easier that way, but this made me think quite a bit.

What is it about our society that makes tearing each other down the first thing a lot of women think to do? (Not every woman btw)

A lot of women were appalled when the gender equality bill was thrown out, but after talking about it extensively on radio and everywhere else, I came to the conclusion that we as Nigerian (African) women have a lot to do ourselves before things can change positively.

I’m not preaching here, as I’m still working on me but I hope we think more about what we are doing for the next generation of African women.

Sadly a lot of us have been conditioned to think of other women as competition as opposed to comrades. I honestly believe that a lot of the conditions we face in our communities are down to us failing at looking out for each other.

Imagine how powerful we would be if we were able to come together better?
Every now and then I look at other women more successful than me, and start to feel insecure, but I’ve learnt to change that energy. Now I get so inspired…I think if she can do great things, so can I….I think ‘she’s doing great, so I better get my sh*t together and move up this success ladder.
As much I love what I do, being in the public eye sucks sometimes, because it can be difficult dealing with being torn apart a lot. I’ve been doing this for about 7 years, and it’s still makes me sad when I get hate from women.

I thank God for the positivity, but sometimes the negativity has me thinking I need to go some people’s houses, sit down and figure out where the hate is coming from. Like did I steal your inheritance or something?

I digress, but just think about it…the spirit of the African woman is a powerful force. Imagine how we could change things if we stopped tearing each other apart and came together.. in a society that already puts you at a disadvantage just because you are a woman….. You learn to deal with it the best way you can, but I still think women that constantly tear other women are unhappy ***Essay Over***

I joke around often and try not to get too into my feelings on IG, because it’s easier that way, but this made me think quite a bit. What is it about our society that makes tearing each other down the first thing a lot of women think to do? (Not every woman btw) A lot of women were appalled when the gender equality bill was thrown out, but after talking about it extensively on radio and everywhere else, I came to the conclusion that we as Nigerian (African) women have a lot to do ourselves before things can change positively. I’m not preaching here, as I’m still working on me but I hope we think more about what we are doing for the next generation of African women. Sadly a lot of us have been conditioned to think of other women as competition as opposed to comrades. I honestly believe that a lot of the conditions we face in our communities are down to us failing at looking out for each other. Imagine how powerful we would be if we were able to come together better? Every now and then I look at other women more successful than me, and start to feel insecure, but I’ve learnt to change that energy. Now I get so inspired…I think if she can do great things, so can I….I think ‘she’s doing great, so I better get my sh*t together and move up this success ladder. As much I love what I do, being in the public eye sucks sometimes, because it can be difficult dealing with being torn apart a lot. I’ve been doing this for about 7 years, and it’s still makes me sad when I get hate from women. I thank God for the positivity, but sometimes the negativity has me thinking I need to go some people’s houses, sit down and figure out where the hate is coming from. Like did I steal your inheritance or something? I digress, but just think about it…the spirit of the African woman is a powerful force. Imagine how we could change things if we stopped tearing each other apart and came together.. in a society that already puts you at a disadvantage just because you are a woman….. You learn to deal with it the best way you can, but I still think women that constantly tear other women are unhappy ***Essay Over*** #NotARant #JustThinkingOutLoud #LikeEdSheeran #ButImNotGinger